i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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