Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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