i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
