its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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