69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
