Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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