trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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