PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
