Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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