The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
