dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
