First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
