Four minutes until I can fart!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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