I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
