Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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