Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
