I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
