I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry my hands just texted you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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