Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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