just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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