I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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