she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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