I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
