There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
