I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
