my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
