I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
