Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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