I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
