i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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