He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
