I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
