Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
too bad you live with your parents still
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
