If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
