oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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