she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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