Yo dont text me then not text me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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