Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The power of my boobs compel you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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