I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
