hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
