i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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