I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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