When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
