I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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