TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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