ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
