i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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