he looks like a really good dad on facebook
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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