accomplished twins. life is a go
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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