How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
