I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
