He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
