Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
