I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize