she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
