Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
