The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
