I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I look better un-naked...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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