Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
