Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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