Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was not drunk enough for that final.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
