New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
