I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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