I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
