he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
