i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
