Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
