It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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