Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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